ExChristianDotNet (exchristian_net) wrote in extian,

[Testimonies of Ex-Christians] I would rather poke my eye out

Sent in by Meredith TI recently de-converted after 15 years as a
Christian while going through a divorce and enduring hypocrisy in the
church. If I had a nickel for every email I got saying, "God Hates
Divorce!" and, "I love you but I don't agree with you," I would be
rich! I even got one saying "I'm sorry to hear you gave up your space
in eternity for this (divorce)!"OK, well who the f!#k do you think you
are to take a stance whether you 'agree' with me or not? Is that any of
your business, and did I even ask you? One former friend said, "We have
the right to know why you are doing this." I’m sorry, but why do "close
Christian friends" feel the need to decide everything as a group --
even to declare someone's marriage as "divorce-worthy" or not? Anyway,
where was I? Oh yeah, I de-converted not solely because of what my
church and Christian friends did to me (even though that got
me 'thinking'), but ultimately I discovered I could no longer see how
divorce as taught in the Bible was "true." There is no way I can
believe that anymore, since I view my divorce as the healthiest thing
possible for me. Someday, if my ex can break free from his "brainwash"
in Christ, hopefully he will see this as a positive for us too. But
currently he still hates me for breaking my "sacred covenant," even
though he admits to living five years of "hell" with me.I married while
I was "on fire for God" at age 22, and even though I knew deep down I
didn't love this guy, he "loved god," and "instantly forgave me" for
what a bad person I saw myself as. So I thought, "How could we go wrong
with GOD on our side?" We thanked "Jesus Christ for putting life and
love in our hearts" in the top billing of our wedding program. And we
had two (yes, two) ministers marry us. Wow, I felt good -- it doesn't
get any "holier" than this. "Everyone, look at me! Aren't I a good
person? Look at all my Christian friends, all so proud of me! Look! We
can have fun without drinking!” I'm just thankful we got out before we
had kids together.Anyway, some very sweet Christian friends who had
been through a divorce tried to help me with my doubts about the
teaching against divorce in the Bible with words like "god forgives,"
and "god still loves me" and "grace is the most important thing." But
once I saw the Bible as containing falsehood, I started reading. It was
like I became addicted. I read this site for hours on end, and
everything else I could find. Slowly, my eyes were fully opened, and it
was like over night and I "got it." My mind was opened. I agree with
one of the recent posters to this site who said "What was I thinking?"
OMG – what WAS I thinking?Anyway, that's my story. It feels good to
write it out and I'm still trying to figure out how to tell my friends
and family, almost all who are Christian and trying to get me to go to
church somewhere. Frankly, I would rather poke my eye out.To monitor
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