ExChristianDotNet (exchristian_net) wrote in extian,

[Testimonies of Ex-Christians] The Infinite Psychopath

Sent in by Chris AAlthough the Biblical concept of the human experience
had always seemed somewhat unfair, my doubts really began with the
issue of homosexuality; specifically, why did the Christian god despise
it so much?"Why," I asked myself, "Would God kill everyone in those
cities for following the urges that He created them with in the first
place?" It was shortly thereafter that I realized that this irrational
act on god's part was just a microcosm of an even greater
injustice: "Wait..." I thought, "If God is all-powerful, why must He
persist in creating sinners instead of saints? And why must He then
damn people for following the sinful natures that He gives them?"You'd
think, wouldn't you, that such impious ruminations would herald a
formal conversion to atheism?You would, however, be mistaken. Rather
than having the courage and mental fortitude to pursue my inquisitions,
I resolved to deal with my growing uncertainties by becoming profoundly
religious. For me, this entailed having me very Southern Baptist
Grandmother read the Bible at me, occasionally stopping to relay her
interpretations of the verses, regale me with accounts of times
she'd "spoken" with god, and break into outbursts of incoherent
gibberish ("tongues"). These sermons punctuated the end of each day for
me, the remainder of the evening to be spent either in miserable sorrow
at the prospect of a "good, Christian life", in mind-numbing fear of
hell, or in tearful frustration when my prayers failed to bring forth
any affirmation from god.Of course, I could never keep this up long
enough for a formal baptism to be arranged; I would have gone
certifiably insane from fear and grief within the year. I started
scouring the Internet for arguments against religion as soon as I could
work up the nerve, and once I found them, I never looked back. I still
have moments of doubt, since I can't scientifically prove there isn't
an Infinite Psychopath patiently waiting to torture me for all eternity
because I refuse to wallow and grovel like a worm before him... Then
again, I also can't scientifically disprove Allah, Odin, or the
Invisible Pink Unicorn, so there's really no hedging bets, I guess...To
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