ExChristianDotNet (exchristian_net) wrote in extian,

[Testimonies of Ex-Christians] I realized the Bible God is fictitious

Sent in by DannyHi to everyone here. I will try to keep it
short...well, as much as I can. My name is Danny, the youngest of a
family of 10. I am Filipino. My family is of Catholic background. Most
Filipinos are. I grew up spoiled (I am the youngest). My family is well
to do. That's really sad knowing most Filipinos live below the poverty
line. My brothers sisters and I went to private Catholic schools and to
good universities. We were all indoctrinated (brainwashed) to the
Catholic way of thinking. Every Sunday (Mithra's Day...hehehe!) we as a
family went to Catholic Church. After church, my parents always treated
us somewhere usually good. That lasted until I was a teenager. After
that, my parents let us go to church on our own time. My father (a
businessman...he owns several apartments) was a good mathematician and
finished first honorable mention in his school. My mother is also a
good mathematician. She graduated salutotorian in the same school. My
brothers, sisters and I (maybe because of the genes...I don't really
know) are mostly good in math. One of my brothers who we consider dumb
(compared to us) became an accountant. The rest became mostly
engineers. One became an architect. I became a statistician. I didn't
really use my degree because now I am a programmer. In school (catholic
school), I had ADD (attention deficit disorder). My teachers would say
3 sentences and I started day dreaming. Obviously, I did poorly with
most subjects. I only excelled in math. Math was very logical so I
didn't really have to study. Some of my classmates were envious because
they were amazed at how good I was at math. A lot of them called me
abnormal. I didn't take offense to it because I knew it was only for
good fun. Also, I was very popular with them because I tutored them in
mathematics. My brain is flowing with logic. I like analyzing things.
In religion class, I asked "If God created everything, then who created
God?" I wasn't really satisfied with the "Nobody created God. God is
the Beginning, God is the End." answer. But I nodded in agreement. What
else could I have done? While growing up, questions filled my head. "If
God is a loving God, then how come he lets millions of people live so
poorly? Why are some born crippled? Why are some born blind?" I am not
gay but this question always bugged me..."Why is homosexuality an
abomination?" I already saw in my own eyes that some people are just
naturally born gay...what is their sin? "How can we be born with
original sin? If Adam and Eve sinned and we came from them, then how
can their sin be passed to us?""Why are the Jews the Chosen People? If
God was fair and I believed He is, then why just them, why not all of
us? Aren't we all God's children?" and so and so forth...there's just
tons of questions. I started not going to church when I was a teenager.
It's not because those questions flooded my brain. It's just because of
laziness. Even then, my belief in Jesus as our savior was very
strong.The very first atheist I met (I didn't know they existed...then)
was one of my English teachers in college. I was totally shocked when
he revealed to us that he was atheist. The idea to me (then) was an eye
opener. I really respected this teacher. I just disagreed with his
opinion. Back in December 2005 it was Christmas season and the office
was almost empty I began to search the internet for world
beliefs...like death, reincarnation, other religions. Every day for 2
weeks this is what I did. I started to become depressed. I started to
have nightmares. I thought it was a wake up call. I went back to
church. I tried my best to re learn Christianity. At the same time I
also started some drugs prescribed to combat my depression. Eventually
my depression left. The drugs worked. My questions still hounded me so
I started to look in the internet again. I opened my mind to a lot of
ideas not consistent with my christian upbringing.That's when I
realized the Bible God is fictitious. God just cannot choose one race.
He cannot show favoritism. He cannot condone murder nor rape nor
incest. But all those nasty things are in the Bible. Homosexuals are
normal people. They are not an abomination. I also saw the similarity
of Jesus with the other "saviors" who preceded him. How can you explain
that? If the other saviors are pagan gods, what about Jesus? He is as
pagan as the rest of them. Plus, the very existence of Jesus is highly
questionable. The gospels (the chosen ones...politics played a role in
this I guess) were not even written by the eyewitnesses. The historians
never mentioned Jesus. A few mentioned Christ (not Jesus) in a few
sentences. And...if Jesus really existed and is really the savior, why
did he come 2000 years ago? What about the people that were born before
him? Are they all hell bound? If yes, then isn't that unfair? What
about the people who will never hear of him? Hell bound? Yikes! The
Muslims? I bet most Muslims are good people. Are they hell bound? I
don't think that's fair. What am I now? Certainly I am not a Christian.
I still go to church. I have to pretend. It's all show. My brain just
wanders during the entire mass. Am I an atheist? I have read quite a
few testimonials and debates here in this website and I really think
the atheists are much much more logical and reasonable than any of the
Christian apologists. But no I am not an atheist. I am a deist. I still
have faith...not in the Biblical God...not in Jesus...I still believe
in a higher power. I think a higher power created us through evolution.
If not, then a higher power must have created that alien race that
created us. Or something. Do we have souls? A lot of you will be
shocked but I do believe we have souls. Why do I think this way? I
forgot to mention it but when I was a kid our home was filled with
ghosts. Not a lot, but some. I heard them...my brothers heard
them...it's not my imagination...we experienced them at the same time.
I saw knobs turning. Remember my mind is logical so I thought someone
was just tricking me. I tried to recreate the same thing using a key
and the knob wouldn't turn. I heard a story about my grandfather
(father's side). He died in 1955. After that his ghost haunted some of
my brothers...calling them...sometimes he pulled their blankets and
legs.The soul thing is just my belief. I cannot prove anything. What
else? I also believe in reincarnation. Can I prove it? Certainly not. I
just believe it. That's my testimony. I hope you like it. DannyTo
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