ExChristianDotNet (exchristian_net) wrote in extian,

[Testimonies of Ex-Christians] I am an Agnostic

Sent in by Rip WoodwardI remember at an early age thinking of Jesus as
Santa Claus. If I pray to him ,and I am good, then I will get what I
want. I contemplated becoming a priest at 16. I delved into the bible
and really questioned what the verses meant. I got no greater pleasure
than stumping a so called "bible expert". One thing that always
bothered me was the notion of G-d not being accessible to me. I had to
go through his mediator, Jesus, to talk to him. It did not fit in with
my belief in a loving G-d. Later in life I began to experiment with
drugs and eventually developed into what most people would call a
junky. One thing that drugs do well is equalize people. When you are an
addict there is no better than or less than, only who has dope and who
does not. To make a long story short I used for too long and eventually
got clean.I joined a program for recovering drug addicts and was given
some instructions, one of which was to turn my life over to a higher
power. The catch was that it has to be loving, caring, and more
powerful than me. Those three requirements had me to question who G-d
was. Was banishing people to a burning pit loving or caring? Was
requiring me to go through a middleman loving or caring? The G-d I had
grown up with in Christianity seemed a bit like an ego maniac. Like a
powerful person who was insecure so he threatened people.After much
more research, including bible study, I came to one conclusion.
Christianity was not G-d. Jesus was not G-d. Christianity was nothing
but years of subtraction and addition done by leaders who thought their
ideas would be better than the ideas before them.The New Testament was
full of contradictions and the kicker was that the so called Christ did
not even fulfill all of the prophecies that the Messiah was supposed to
fulfill. He was obviously not the Messiah.Ostracized from friends and
family, arguments with strangers, and feelings of loneliness were the
results of my decision to move away from Christianity. Whenever the
subject of Religion or G-d came up I would excuse myself from the
conversation because Christians tended to be very angry and judgmental
to those that don't believe like they do.I did find G-d. I asked him to
reveal himself to me as he wanted me to see him. And he did. I didn't
find him in Christianity. I did not find him in phony threats of a
magical place of fire called Hell. I did not even find him in new age
religions. I found him exactly where he had always been. Right here
inside me.The biggest hurdle in my leaving Christianity was my fear of
Hell. Ironic huh? My fear was not in not knowing Jesus, it was burning
in hell. I think that is called propaganda. Didn't the Nazis use
propaganda? Christianity is a far cry from Nazis but their methods of
scare tactics and pressure sure are similar.I am so glad I have left
the cage of Christianity. I do not need anyone to tell me who to
believe, how to believe, or when to believe. Isn't G-d powerful enough
to do that on his own? I think so.I am an Agnostic. Literally
translated it means without knowledge. To me, knowledge is the
attainment of information based on evidence. No one has concrete
evidence of G-d. So I am without knowledge about G-d. I have some
theories but they are just that, theories.Thanks for this site. It is
good to know that I am not the only one who feels the way I do about
Christianity.To monitor comments posted to this topic, use .
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